The girl next door (#72)

So I’ve been wanting to for sometime now start another site from scratch yesterday I did

It’s called – What I did today?

It’s nothing like my blog The girl next door. It’s is daily blog, where I write about my day, my experiences, the books I’m reading, the paintings I’ve made, the hobbies I’m working on being better at, the wittiest conversations that took place, my thoughts and ideas free flowing and my life’s funniest and craziest stories.

It is going to be a crazy joyride if you want to know what I did today?

Why not find it out? 😁

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The girl next door (#71)

He finally arrived , I was waiting for him inside the cafe at the station. He had trouble navigating his way to the cafe but he was there finally.

With shopping bags and bag of documents in his hands he came in with arms wide open and well there were other people but who cares. I ran to him and the next thing I was in his embrace. “Were you lost?” I said as we walked to the table, he replied ” no just had trouble navigating, not a train person I prefer driving myself to places I want to go. So these stations are absolutely unfamiliar spaces” putting the bags down.

I ran my hand over his cheek and pulled it ” whaaaattt?” he said , “now that you finally trimmed I just felt like doing it..” he smiled ” you look hot” he laughed , ” I won’t be able to do this for a long time now. Once you take off for New Zealand. You are so bad.”

I said pulling my hand back. He took my hand in his, ” you seriously have no idea how much I will miss you” he said caressing my hand, ” you’ll travel in the cargo” I smiled “..because Abhinay you’re such a dog” he laughed completing my sentence. “Do you want to have something..” he started listing options from the menu ” they’ve burgers, wraps.. they’ve started serving pizzas too.” “I am done here..” I said pointing at the cold blue with straw and crushed ice in front of me ” you see I emptied the contents of this container not so long ago so I am not really hungry”.

“So how long we’re gonna sit in this cafe?” He asked ” let’s go some place else”, ” sure” i said. “I’ll just drop this stuff home and then we can drive around somewhere close to your place there’s really good places around there.” He said, ” Yeah sounds good”.

So we boarded the train and 45 mins later we got off , ” I’ll pick my scooter from a friends place near by, let me call a cab for you and I’ll meet you at the place you’ve picked for us eat at.” ” I am coming with you” I said, ” It’s really hot out there, you take the cab I’ll come in no time.” ” I wasn’t asking you, I was telling you I am coming with you”

Stepping out of the station I realised it really was “really hot out there” , he looked at me “do you want to reconsider? ” “What? Taking a cab. Maybe a little but not without you. Although it’s a bit hot but whatever.” ” Why on earth are you so stubborn?” ” shut up and walk”. On our way to the parking we were talking about stuff , he said “Someday these shopping bags would be groceries , that we’ll buy for our home. I’ll hold the bags in one hand..” ” and I’ll hold the other hand” I said completing his sentence, “Well you could’ve done that now too but these bags..” he said. I just laughed at that. Other days I just shrug off these plans about future I mean I am a realist I like to believe that these are just momentary thoughts, not that I don’t love him I do I love him a lot and I know he’s really serious about this, but more than anything I can’t lose my best friend to a relationship. I’ve been here before nothing stays the same after the break up. I can’t blame the person who has held me when I fell, stayed up late trying to fix my broken heart and wiping my tears, the person I ran to when I ran away from everything and everyone else, for my heartbreak if we don’t work. I mean it’s one thing to be in love and another to be together. The latter is a bit complicated. But today I see him slipping away I mean I can’t run to him for a very long time when I run from everything, he’s always a call away but it’s not the same as staying a mile away from my apartment and showing up the next morning because the night before I texted ” I am upset”.

Now I stand looking at him as he’s reversing the scooter. The scooter is stuck at the platform built I pull it from behind , before getting on it I thought it was safe to tell him “I’m scared of riding scooters” , he looked at me with eyes wide open ” that’s a strange thing to be scared of” he laughed , ” shut up, I met with an accident when I was ridding with my dadu as a kid. The scooter lost balance and we fell in the middle of the road with cars driving past. We were terribly injured.” ” I’ll drive safely, you won’t get hurt” he smiled, I sat behind him and as soon as we started off I clutched his t-shirt tightly from both sides ” I can tell you’re really scared, by how you’re holding my t-shirt “, ” very nice now focus on the road” at every turn I would go like “eeehhhhhhh”

Every speed breaker would make me go like “aaggghhhhhh” ” I’ve seen people less scared on a roller coaster than you’re sitting on a scooter, come on now it’s too much I’m driving on the side of the road, as slow as I can…” ” don’t talk while driving”. He laughed, we finally arrived to his apartment we parked the scooter in the the basement took the elevator I got off at the ground floor he went to 7th to keep his shopping bags. 5 minutes later he came running down the stairs. I booked a cab on our way to the gate and he went to get a cigarette, we waited for the cab as he took a drag and then long puffs of the cigarette trying to finish it before the cab arrived, we were talking about the old times and then he told me about his friends having taken most of his old clothes, his Steve Madden shoes and well his priced protein shakes. I looked at him in silence, ” where’s our cab?” he asked me ” 2 mins from here, I’ll call the driver wait” . Next thing we’re sitting in our cab , he holds my hand and looks at me ” you know I can read palms” he says ” really? ” I laugh , because I know what’s coming. “yeah. Wait do you think I’m joking?”. “Not at all ” I say, ” Cool, you see all these lines, you see they are all coming in my direction you know what that means?” ” Nah I am waiting for you to tell me?” , ” it means that you’re mine, and that I’m what your future boyfriend looks like and I’ll be the man you’ll walk down the aisle with” ” ohhh really does it mean that?” ” of course , you think I’ll lie to you” ” Not at all” I laugh.

We arrive at the diner, and take our seats. “Aren’t you hungry?” He asked “a little” I said ” why don’t we order something first and then talk.”He says , we order two burgers the only food item that inevitably is consumed by my clothes when it is ordered with Heath Ledger like joker extended smile painted on my face because of the mayo and sauce. Abhinay never gets embarrassed of this he in fact loves to look at me eating.

Just like every time the filling falls on my clothes before I can figure it out he picks it up and wipes my dress with a tissue. Once I’m done he looks at me with a tissue in his hands he wipes my face and just gives that smile that says “silly girl”. He had been secretly clicking pictures of me talking, eating, that stupid extended sauce and mayo smile until it caught my attention.

Once we’re done we start talking he’s interested in amazing stuff Theories of quantum physics, Bhagwad Gita, Poetry by Harivansh Rai Bachchan, and here’s the catch this guy is a programmer he says ” we live in a golden age I could be lying in my boxers and I can change the world with my laptop, most people don’t realise that’s how little it takes to change everything”. Imagine a guy like that in all seriousness telling you how much you mean to him, how he feels about you and how you don’t have to answer right then, he doesn’t want you to commit he just wants you to know all of it because he didn’t want to keep in inside of him and think later he could’ve but he didn’t say it. Imagine someone like that putting his hand on your cheek telling you – I believe in you blindly, and if you ever want to do something, anything I’ll always be there supporting you in it with all that I’ve because I know you can do anything you want to. He knows I’m scared of getting my heart broken again and I want to achieve certain things in life and I’ve no place for such commitments, he just doesn’t want anything from me. He just wants to stay in my life and just wants me to be in his. He tells me to take my time.

The only thing I think of right now is his words getting under my skin, believing all of the things he said holding my hands in his, getting convinced by them and then losing him and later thinking “Love was there at my door, knocking softly, waiting on me and it waited in the fall, under the summer sun blazing over its head, in the rain storm, it kept waiting with all it had until it couldn’t anymore. I kept it waiting and one day it left to never knock again , not even as an old friend.”

He says nothing is going to change over the years and me being me, I never take him on his word for that. I always tell him ” we’ll see if you still stand by that when the time comes.” I like to keep my feet on the ground. I don’t want to get hurt and he knows it. He knows I like to keep my gaurds high.

I’m not scared of losing him to someone, I’m scared of losing him to myself.

His flight takes of at 10 in the morning tomorrow. I’ll miss him.

The girl next door (#70)

Full stop

That fall I walked out on you,

Came back,

Confessed my feelings,

Dealt with your dismissal,

Stayed on the hook,

And believed in your lies,

Despite knowing the truth.

New year, that morning

You gave me a call,

Asked me to be your date at the reunion ball,

This love was an anchor,

The more I tried to rise to the surface,

The deeper I drowned.

I decided to finally hold my ground,

It wasn’t a one way lane,

I was no longer naive,

The novice had now learnt

The rules of this game they call “love”.

You started a sentence,

This time instead of completing it,

I’ll put a full stop to it.

©Samridhi Dutta

The girl next door (#69)

Gone

I am writing this on my way back home after attending a friend’s funeral she wasn’t my best friend, a year senior. She was someone you couldn’t dislike she was someone who always had this smile that adorned her face and I can’t believe I have to use the word ‘was’ as I talk about her. Her voice echoes in my ears an unbelievably sweet tone and I can’t believe that the last time I met her at a school event was the last time I’ll ever meet her in my life or her life for that matter.

I was late for the funeral apparently cabbies were on a strike, and taking an auto to the place I didn’t know existed until I got a message saying her funeral is being held at the said place didn’t seem like a very good idea. I reached when others were leaving and all I knew was I wanted to meet her parents.

I found my way through the crowd and my best friend she walked beside me, I reached upstairs aunty stood their it was more difficult than I thought. I stood in front of her she looked at me as if she looked for her daughter in my face. I couldn’t say anything after that all I managed to do or say was hold her hands in mine and say ” I don’t have words for you, I really don’t ” and the next moment we both were crying.

I walked back and I saw her younger brother, I wanted to go meet him but my body gave up on me thinking about what will I say standing before him . I just had these things in my mind at the moment that –

“I can’t claim to understand your pain because I don’t think I do and because I know it’s more than whatever I can imagine, you lost your sister and I can’t tell you to have courage because the way you stand with folded hands speaks more about courage than anything else I’ve ever witnessed. Things won’t be the same, and as hard as it’s to believe for me someone who saw her the last time in January of 2017 I can’t really put into words what it will be like for you. I saw her picture but I still think she’s here around, I don’t know what will you be going through each time you’ll see her as a picture hung on the walls of your house. I just can’t say these things to you because all these people are telling you to stay strong. If I remember correctly you brought them all glasses of water when you were supposed to cry oceans and that speaks more about your strength than they who tell you to be strong can imagine. But right now those bloodshot eyes and hands wiping tears before they manage to escape your eyes speaks of that unbearable ache that you feel. I’m sorry but I’m not as strong as you are and I’ve no words that can comfort you. I’m sorry.”

I saw uncle and I felt a shiver in my spine, I couldn’t find in me the strength to stand there anymore as much as I rushed to get upstairs, I rushed downstairs.

I found her best friend and my friend and batchmate crying.I didn’t see him that way and I felt so overwhelmed that I rushed out.

My friend’s driver is dropping me home and all that I think of right now is – as a kid I wanted to die before my parents because I loved them so much. Now that I saw what I saw. I realise I don’t want that ever. I don’t want my parents to go through so much pain.

I hope wherever she is she is happy and at peace. I pray for the family.

The girl next door (#68)

Drunk Call

You downed a quarter and made a call, as soon as I answered you said the usual,

“Hi, I’m drunk”, as if warning against all the things you’re about to say.

As if telling me – “Don’t let my words get under your skin,with the break of dawn I’ll be sober and I won’t remember any of this”.

In these moments you wear vulnerability as your second skin.

It’s as if with every sip of that rum, your facade has faded.

The alcohol in your system makes you spill secrets that you’ve been hiding for so long.

You end up making confessions, that you otherwise won’t have.

You end up telling me how you imagine me sitting beside you while talking to me,

How my hearing my voice gives you peace,

How you don’t know whether you’ll be living long enough to see me.

How in the limited time you’ve got, you want me to know the other day when we were returning home after a date you wanted to kiss me but did not.

In these moments I knew,

Ours was a story

Written drunk,and never read again.

©Samridhi Dutta

The girl next door (#67)

Damsel without a Knight

The damsel now held a dagger,

She didn’t need a knight to save her,

In face of the darkness,

That thought it could tame her.

When the darkness lured,

She whispered to it,

“I am everything you can’t have”.

She had light underneath her skin

And magic in her bones.

The darkness felt a strong blow,

She had put a crack in its pride,

There was light coming through.

It tried again with all its might,

Said to her

“What’s a damsel without her knight?

A fragile pair of hands holing a dagger?”

“No, she’s just stronger”

She said and smiled.

The darkness stood baffled and bewildered,

At her response,

Felt torn into pieces all at once,

There was no darkness, only light,

There was a damsel, without a knight.

©Samridhi Dutta

The girl next door(#66)

Together

I rose, the sky turned pink,

I shined, I lit the sky up.

It was bright blue,

I was blazing by noon,

And then I calmed down.

It was time for your arrival,

I set , the sky turned slightly mauve, then indigo before the alluring darkness took over.

I decorated it with sparkles,

And then you appeared dressed in serene white.

I knew you’re the one.

The only time we ever meet is for eclipses.

We’re always with each other,

but never seen together.

©Samridhi Dutta