I don’t know what such a thing is called since I wrote in my diary what ever a write up May be , I present it to you –
The pages of her diary
Date – 10th November
Loving him wasn’t easy , always a battle between the heart and mind.
My heart crying as I heard what my mind said. Trying to love using my mind, totally an idiot. I made it a game of chess , making moves after thinking , thinking about future consequences.
But in all that even though my heart was hardly allowed to enter the arena , what a rebel it still did and well assumed it’s role for a while till – I saw them together, he was with another girl.
Looked like they were sharing the sort of discussions we had , her eyes the way she looked at him.
My mind it had that devilish laugh in the background as I picked the peices of my fragile heart , looked like someone walked over it ruthlessly breaking it .
But still it was a rebel as I mentioned to you earlier so I thought -May be just May be my thoughts and imaginations are running wild, everyone admires him he’s amazing after all .
And never told him about it and let things go as they did, he made everything amazing and eventually my heart started mending itself back because it turned out to be – we were ( he and I ) were in the same boat – falling for each other.
Mind tried to warn in its sarcastic tone – don’t believe that idiot in the left side of your body, your most vital organ after me of course. It’s forgetting it’s functions that are – pumping blood and beating for you ,not for another person.
The heart smiled shyly – but it’s true .
Well no wonder if only – the other day he didn’t go on that stupid dinner and get kissed.
If only he didn’t mention how he loved another person and that I’m only temporary ( well the exact conversation was really mild my interpretations are too strong)
If only I didn’t see him with her again and also with her V.2.0.
Because I know none of them but looked like they knew each other well (him and the hers above).
And this was the cherry on the top of this cake I was going to cut as my heartbreak married my broken trust.
As my emotion-less self started dating my mind ( yeah naughty boy told me not to fall in love fell in love itself my vital organ – #1. He said they were just good friends that’s all (but it blushed). Aww!!)
And well black dresses ready- funeral of my fragile heart and now vital organ #2 is replaced by a stone.
The last time we met was dramatic I had just attended so many things – a wedding, a funeral, and well the so called good friends are now engaged
He said it isn’t the way I thought of it, I said I saw it and then he asked me if I thought he could lie to me – what the f*ck the stone was also a rebel. My heart is a ghost man !!, it haunts that stone but fortunately my mind – it’s a ghost buster fled the ghost .
And I said ” yes I did”
He took two steps back looked at me, his actions were – his hands running over his face, he breathed heavily twice, looked at me
” then anything I say wouldn’t be of any use”
I didn’t look at him trying hard not to cry ( I didn’t the stone does it’s work well ), finally the stone functioned – he stayed looked at me for a moment as if he was trying to capture what I looked like when he last met me,
He left , He left me standing there.
He left me but still didn’t , it’s not my heart’s ghost it was his . And it haunted my mind .
His last message was like him placing a flower on my heart’s grave.
I wonder- if he needed to look in those two big brown eyes of mine to know I wasn’t really happy that the stone functioned.
I wonder – if everyday of his life he’ll hope for my return.
I wonder – if he cried. If he wanted to explain. If the last thing he wanted to hear was my dead heart’s last wish or my stone’s first words.
I wonder …damn my mind has become haunted , scares the shit out of me with it’s wondering.
Anyway , goodnight Mr.Parker . Made you bleed a lot today looks like its time to refill you, because these days its not my tears its your ink.