The girl next door (#46)

​THE UN- SOCIAL
Yeah I’m addicted to my lonliness and solitude.I keep my guards high. In case you try to barge right in ,exhibiting force. You may come Echoing your glories I put up a sign – Beware Avalanche prone zone. Yes, Avalanche. You must not enter this territory if I tell you once – don’t. Probably you can try and I want you to know – when I say you’re not welcomed, it means you’re not welcomed.
When I say go, trust me you should. Yes I’m not the life of the party , I’m not the best one in the lot. But there’s something about me – I don’t form superficial bonds , I would be there with you and for you every time you want and need me to be there , I’d let you in that ” Me zone” I’ll compromise my solitude for being your company. Value that. 
But you don’t value that. You don’t understand the kind of effort it takes , the compromises I make, the fears I have.You don’t understand. I let you in and what do you do? –  you bring that knife with you, gift wrapped,someday that’s what you’ll stab me with, more precisely back stab me with. If that’s not enough you bring that hammer , that’s what you’re going to use when you break me on the inside.Do  you need any more tools ?, maybe a scissor to tear what you couldn’t possibly break.

Do you really have to do that?, if you really want to be the ‘you’ above. I want you to know something – I’ve all this while seen people valuing me only at two stages , first stage when they don’t have me , second after losing me.I want you to know my value – I’m priceless, consider yourself lucky if I let you in. On that note, letting you in by no way means you’ve been granted permission to act like my life is your playground – don’t you think of me as your game.You want to play, be a stranger to me and play games, make plans to bring down the walls I’ve made , don’t demand entry because then you won’t be a stranger , but a mistake. I don’t like making mistakes. But I truly respect your feelings , I’ve left a cardboard cutout of me at the Exit door that I’m to show you if you are the ‘you’ above please take it with you it’s a token of love from me to you. You take it so that you can still use your tools, on that cut out. But hey, when you leave please remember to leave behind – my friendship which doesn’t any more belong to you , the expectation I’ll be one call away because I don’t want to hurt your feelings when it doesn’t have me picking your call at the receiving end, don’t message me you’d be blocked and basically I want you to imagine I don’t exist. The moment you leave I cease to exist for you and you for me.

Now that I’ve said all this to you. I want you to know who I am – I am one of the many faces that travel every morning in the same metro as you, probably the one you’d notice only because of her pretty face, but don’t get lured by the pretty faces you know why because if we all wore our souls over our bodies I’m having many scars and then you’d not want to stare at me for minutes at a stretch. You’d never want to know how pure is that scarred being. That’s the most devastating thing. I’m the one walking past you on that crowded street , trying to avoid brushing off my arm against yours. The one too scared to start a conversation at the coffee table. The one standing beside you waiting for the elevator. The “hi!”s you never knew the name of.

I’m the one people like you call UN -SOCIAL.

©Samridhi Dutta 

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Author:

I am a person with the most self contradicting personality -shy till I don't know you.quiet till you are a stranger.impulsive.dreamer. I don't talk much to express myself I would rather write,draw ,paint or sketch . Mammas girl( and proud of that). there's not anything thing fancy about me.

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