The girl next door(#58)

I’m writing to you hoping you still read it,
Almost everything I write is an attempt to tell you what I can’t say, so I write it down. 

You- know – who -you-are,

I miss you, I really do. I know we’ve not been speaking to each other for a while now. I don’t think we’ll be.

I just want you to know I’ve somethings holding me back, binding me and limiting me. The limitations are such that even if I wanted to I can’t do a lot of things that you would rightly expect from me.

I’m sorry. I know I’m not of any help to you at this time. I don’t know if you remember but you always said – you could only do things to your limitations on different instances in different scenarios when I wanted you to do more about that particular thing, say more because I wasn’t satisfied with your stand. I’ve never  said this to you before you know I’ve never bothered and in fact gone an extra mile just so I can make things easy for you. 

I never bother about how difficult it’s going to be , if something will make you happy even if I end up exhausted emotionally, mentally I’d do it for you.

The truth is, I’ve burnt my self to be your light. I’ve exhausted my self.

I can’t , even if I wanted to help you right now I can’t.

How can I ? When I am seeking help my self. 

I need you to help me, Help you.

By not making everything seem so difficult all the time, By not making me feel that I’m responsible for “us” disintegrating into “you” and “I”.

I seek a little support, to be able to support you.

I’m going through a lot.

And I can’t turn to you, because I’ve starting feeling like there’s a lot of vacuum , it’s a strange feeling of being a stranger to a person who’s such an integral part of your life.

I’m just exhausted.

You think Sorry is a disgusting word. Don’t you?.

Probably Takes away your right to say that word to me the next time you screw up.

I don’t know what is your view of why I cried the last time we met on the street.

But let me tell you, I cried because I don’t like to see you that way .I cried because I know I’ve no right to ask you to share, I’ve not even made any effort.

I cried because I know, I’ll not be able to do anything about it. I’ll not be making any efforts even after that because I can’t.

I cried because you don’t understand things, I don’t understand things.

I cried because I know I’ll be the one who’ll not be able to stay beside you and keep her promise of  forever. 

Probably you’ll never see me in some time, you’ll never know why ?.

All I can say is I told you I’m a cameo.

I won’t last throughout the entire film.

I wish you a healthy happy life, I hope you get all the success you deserve.

I know you’ll understand me someday , accept me as I am with the imperfections and flaws, but I’d be long gone by then. The least you can do is , remember the name with the last name.

Lots of love.

©Samridhi Dutta

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Author:

I am a person with the most self contradicting personality -shy till I don't know you.quiet till you are a stranger.impulsive.dreamer. I don't talk much to express myself I would rather write,draw ,paint or sketch . Mammas girl( and proud of that). there's not anything thing fancy about me.

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