Can I say something to you?
Yes. When did you ever have to seek permission to say what you wanted to before. Go on say it ?
Yea, I didn’t have to seek permissions because the difference of age was never a divide. It is now. I feel I need to think through, speaking from my heart without edits, calling you up at any time of the day isn’t the right way. There’s a certain way, there’s a certain tone, a certain time, a certain place, certain words and sentences that need to be carefully placed together so that I don’t end up disrespecting you.
I know I’m making a big deal out of it. But trust me I’m not comfortable any more I can’t be myself around you anymore and that’s why I hate you, also I so feel I embarrass you.
Infact today when I called you, I only called because I said I will call you when I get done with my work. On my way home I called you up. But I prayed that you don’t pick it up because I didn’t know what to say if you answered the call.
Yesterday, when you called I answered at an instant because I thought we’ll never speak to each other again. I was partially angry with you, and partially missing you. But for most part I was angry and upset.
I didn’t know how to react exactly when you called I was overwhelmed with an ocean of different emotions to drown in at the same time.
I was crying, getting mad at you and laughing at the same time.
Yet, right now I sit juggling with the idea of whether or not I should text you and ask you how you’re doing.
I know you’re here for probably a day or two and then you’ll be gone.
I don’t know if I should speak to you throughout these days or just once in a very long while.
I really don’t know.
I’m really concerned about questions like – What will he think of me?
How will it appear?
What would I come across as?
Would I come across as *insert something apt*?
So,I don’t text you because I don’t happen to have the answers yet. Your chat head remains open and text box empty.
© Samridhi Dutta