You know why I like him so much because he doesn’t have to say good things to make me feel good. He doesn’t have to tell me I’m beautiful he makes me feel so.
If he’s there things seem a little easier to deal with, I don’t have to ask him for anything he just knows.
He knows what my quiet means, any one can interpret my words but he knows my silence. Like you he also despises it, somehow he doesn’t like you a lot because you’re why I’m quiet.
There’s him who’s drunk but calling me up at 11:30 PM because my text read – “I’m upset”. He’s not a man of words but actions.
After 45 minutes and 12 seconds and approximately 25 topics we talk about our dreams.
“We dream the same dream” I say.
He laughs ” I want to say something but I’ll sound super cheesy”
“Go ahead,say it ?”
” I’ll say what I always tell you- we’re perfect for each other”
I pause , I think of you.
” I’m not worth it, I’m not good enough for you. I’m not good enough for anyone.” I tell him.
” Are you kidding me?” He snaps at me from the other side.
” It’s how it is, trust me I’m not the person for you. You deserve better than me. I’m not that good.”
“Are you fucking serious? I’m the one who’s drunk, why are you talking crap?. Trust me you don’t know your self well enough to say you’re not good.”
I say nothing, your face flashes right before me. Things you used to say when I’d belittle my self echo in my ears. Your scolding me. I shrug it off.
“I know nothing, I’m an idiot”
” Do you really hear yourself when you say all of it? Would you please stop belittling yourself? Why don’t you get it – You’re a wonderful person you need no one’s not even your own approval to that because that’s a well established fact and you saying anything otherwise wouldn’t change it. “
I sit quietly, hearing him out not believing him. You see I once believed this guy, this one guy and I screwed up.
“Are you there?” He says.
” Yes, where else would I be.”