The girl next door(#61)

Born again

“Slow Death or Quick ?” Asked my demons.

” Another day ” I replied

” I’ve died at nights and come alive at morning,

Mourned over the death of who I was a day before and cheerfully welcomed another me with the break of the dawn.

I’ve survived with a broken heart, when my breaths were just cold sighs. I’ve survived the hollow in my chest, the sinking feeling in my gut.

I’ve survived, I’ve survived dying every night to be born again next morning.

Quick death or slow, I’ll give this one to you.

Just give me another day.

With the break of dawn, I’ll be born again.”

©Samridhi Dutta


The girl next door (#60)

You’re right 

I’m not going to stand before you and justify my actions, my words, my tone,my pitch.

I’d apologize, but not beg for forgiveness.

I didn’t mean to offend you, but that just doesn’t mean it was right if I did.

I was wrong, so were you.

Just one conversation out of a thousand, where you thought I wasn’t at the best of my behaviour.

I don’t care,

At least not any more.

I don’t have to justify if I respect you or not,there’s no justification for whether or not you respect a person.

It’s felt, if it’s there.

It’s not felt, if it isn’t.

If you don’t feel it, probably you’re right.

If I were you, I’d not stay.

I’d walk out on such a person, 

Who has no respect for me.

If I were you, I’d walk out on me.

So I’ll hold the door open, and wait until you leave.

I’m sure I don’t respect you,

There’s none you can see in my eyes.

There’s none I can make feel.

If you don’t feel it, probably you’re right.

©Samridhi Dutta.

The girl next door (#59)

They hadn’t spoken to each other  for days at a stretch, his phone beeped- 

Her-” Did I tell you ,I’m scared of the dark.”

Him-” No , what happened?”

Her-“Just saying. I was entering my room it was pitch black so the first thing that I did, I always do.I extended my hand and switched lights on before I entered.

I don’t know, I’m such a kid. I think it’s time I grew up for real.”

Him-” Hey kiddo, you know what I like about you the most?” 

Her– “What?”

Him-” That you’re rare, you’re so innocent so pure to fit in the adult world. Trust me you’re much better the way you are. You don’t need to adult. Don’t grow up.”

Her-” And what about being scared of darkness? That’s plain stupid for someone my age.”

Him– “Well then I’m glad at least something scares you I mean you were the first girl I know to hold lizards in her hand, call rats cute and be ready to play with almost any animal on 4 legs, loves reptiles and wants to have a lion cub as her future pet. 

I think by those standards if you actually find ghosts that lurk in the darkness waiting to rip you off scary as you enter a dark room ,it’s totally fine.” 

Her– “WOW, you definitely didn’t need to say the last lurking in darkness waiting to rip me off thing. I was kind of enjoying the description of how unique I am. Anyway..”

Him– “Anyway..?”

Her-” Nothing, I’ll talk to you later. Bye”

Him– ” Say na?” 

Her– ” Nothing, Bye.”

Him– ” Say naaa?”

Her– ” We don’t get to talk these days. I miss you.”

Him – “I miss you too , even though we don’t talk a lot I want you to know I’m there and I’m not leaving you. We can manage time and distance that’s just some numbers.”

Her-” Yeah we can :).”

Him– ” As far as I remember your maths is super weak, so I think I’ll manage the numbers alone. Can’t risk it😂😂.”

Her– “Ha ha ha😑😒”

Him-“Will you ever finish your unfinished sentences in one go, without me having to ask you again ? ”

Her-“Never 😂. Bye.”

Him– “Bye 😘❤ ”

©Samridhi Dutta.

The girl next door(#58)

I’m writing to you hoping you still read it,
Almost everything I write is an attempt to tell you what I can’t say, so I write it down. 

You- know – who -you-are,

I miss you, I really do. I know we’ve not been speaking to each other for a while now. I don’t think we’ll be.

I just want you to know I’ve somethings holding me back, binding me and limiting me. The limitations are such that even if I wanted to I can’t do a lot of things that you would rightly expect from me.

I’m sorry. I know I’m not of any help to you at this time. I don’t know if you remember but you always said – you could only do things to your limitations on different instances in different scenarios when I wanted you to do more about that particular thing, say more because I wasn’t satisfied with your stand. I’ve never  said this to you before you know I’ve never bothered and in fact gone an extra mile just so I can make things easy for you. 

I never bother about how difficult it’s going to be , if something will make you happy even if I end up exhausted emotionally, mentally I’d do it for you.

The truth is, I’ve burnt my self to be your light. I’ve exhausted my self.

I can’t , even if I wanted to help you right now I can’t.

How can I ? When I am seeking help my self. 

I need you to help me, Help you.

By not making everything seem so difficult all the time, By not making me feel that I’m responsible for “us” disintegrating into “you” and “I”.

I seek a little support, to be able to support you.

I’m going through a lot.

And I can’t turn to you, because I’ve starting feeling like there’s a lot of vacuum , it’s a strange feeling of being a stranger to a person who’s such an integral part of your life.

I’m just exhausted.

You think Sorry is a disgusting word. Don’t you?.

Probably Takes away your right to say that word to me the next time you screw up.

I don’t know what is your view of why I cried the last time we met on the street.

But let me tell you, I cried because I don’t like to see you that way .I cried because I know I’ve no right to ask you to share, I’ve not even made any effort.

I cried because I know, I’ll not be able to do anything about it. I’ll not be making any efforts even after that because I can’t.

I cried because you don’t understand things, I don’t understand things.

I cried because I know I’ll be the one who’ll not be able to stay beside you and keep her promise of  forever. 

Probably you’ll never see me in some time, you’ll never know why ?.

All I can say is I told you I’m a cameo.

I won’t last throughout the entire film.

I wish you a healthy happy life, I hope you get all the success you deserve.

I know you’ll understand me someday , accept me as I am with the imperfections and flaws, but I’d be long gone by then. The least you can do is , remember the name with the last name.

Lots of love.

©Samridhi Dutta

The girl next door (#57)


With every passing day ,

I see it all slipping away, 

Little by little, 

Day by day, moment by moment,

I’m trying to detach myself a little, one bit at a time, 

I’m sure till the day arrives,

 when you’ll be packing your bags ,

Getting ready, leaving in a rush to board that flight,

I’d be able to say goodbye, with a smile.

Everything I said and every thing you promised

Will be put to test,

There might be no calls, no texts, 

We’ve come this far,

and now you’ll be gone.

©Samridhi Dutta

The girl next door (#56)


Let’s be strangers again

We used to have better conversations back then.

When we knew very little about each other.

Let’s not know so much, remember so much.

And forget all those special days, each other’s favourites, our walks together, our coffee dates, the metro rides,  the calls late night, the 3am texts, 

Let’s forget all of it 

Let the silence speak for us.

Let’s not take a step forward, 

Let’s turn around and walk away, away from each other.

Let’s not be a contact in each others phone, a name on the friends list.

Let’s not recognize a familiar face, in a  crowded place.

Let’s be like a blurred photograph in each other’s past.

Let’s struggle to recall each other’s name.

Let’s not pretend everything is still the same.

Let’s be strangers again.

©Samridhi Dutta

The girl next door (#55)


You flow inside of me in my blood,

You’ve blended in like a drug.

I’m intoxicated, on you I overdose.

I’m addicted to you, 

I crave for your love, for your touch.

You take all my love,and walk out that door.

Leave me pleading,wanting some more.

There’s something addictive, alluring,

About the love that couldn’t be had.

And now I sit , broken and scarred

With all the photographs torn, and letters charred.

A blade in my hand, I clinch my fist.

And find solace watching you flow from wrist,

I finally let go.

It’s getting harder to breathe, 

The room’s getting quiter, 

I smile as I watch you drain out of me, 

My demons smile back at me.

I’m sober finally.

Everything looks hazy, 

A tear rolls down,

I shut my eyes and

Sing my self to sleep.

My voice , fades to silence.

I no longer bleed,

I no longer breathe.

© Samridhi Dutta